While I was in LA at Anime Expo, I went and saw two movies at the theater with my friends. On Friday I saw Transformers 3, and on Saturday I saw Green Lantern. These movies are both supposed to be the go to summer block busters of this year, so lets see how they stack up.
Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon :
I like to think that in any form of entertainment you can take something away from the experience of baring witness to it. Most movies, video games, books, and artwork have a tone or message that they want to get across. Transformers 3 is one of the few cases in which this simply is not true, it's just a waste of time and money. NOTHING in this film worth mentioning, aside from some incredibly fake looking CGI. It's empty, a void that's filled with nothing but the militaristic views of the it's twelve year old minded director, Michael Bay. I have never been a huge fan of the original series, but I still knew the premise, "Giant robots that can change into vehicles and various devices come to earth and kick the crap out of each other." That script writes itself, it shouldn't be hard to turn into a live action movie. But somehow, the cast and crew behind Transformers did it not once, not twice, but THREE times! Let me get into the nitty grit and break down why I hate this piece of ass that passes for cinema.
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| "This is like dying all over again for the third time." |
1. The Plot is Misguided : For some reason that escapes me, a movie called Transformers about giant alien robots only has them only a a cliff note in their own film. Back again in the role of Sam Witwicky (I don't care enough to see if that's actually how you spell it or not, but if I looked it up, I would be wasting more effort than the writers of this garbage.) is Shia Labeouf, who does a great job telling us how much his life sucks while dating the hottest slut that isn't Megan Fox. Not only that, but apparently, he got a free ride scholarship from the White House. BOO F**Kin HOO! It sure sucks to be you. That's my biggest with this movie, it's all about Sam and finding a job, and NOT able the giant death machines mentioned on the marquee. In all honesty, the Transformers have maybe 12 minutes of the movies screen time that involves them. That's pathetic! That's like making a remake of Back to the Future that revolves around George Mc Fly doing his taxes in 1985 while his son goes to change the past. I could go on but I have more ground to cover.
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| "Dear god, please find me appealing! |
2. The Run Time: This bastard child of Jersey Shore and I Robo clocks in at two hours and forty five minutes! 2 hours and 45 minutes!! That's almost as long as LOTR the Two Towers. I saw so many people looking at their watches and cellphones, just waiting for this thing to be over with. I can understand having a long movie, but things have to actually happen in that allotted time frame that keep my interest. Don't just have random battles with characters I know nothing about, actually take the time to set the tone of the film were supposed to be watching. This movie was actually long and boring enough in its first half to make me fall asleep. I have a pretty low expectations when it comes to crappy action movies, but the fact it was so uninteresting enough, to where I would actually fall asleep is a testament of this films terrible pacing. I never sleep through a movie, no matter how bad. I mean for christ sake, I was able to sit through Sense and Sensibility, but I can't sit through a Transformers movie?! Even during the "good parts" with the robot fighting and Optimus Prime, its still boring, because again, the movie focuses on it's human characters and not the Transformers. The final battle scene takes up an hour of the film. YES a full hour. No time to breath, no pacing, just throw some shitty CGI together and people will love it! Bottom line, this needed to be shorter, as in less than two hours.
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| Fun Fact: Lenard Nimoy plays one of the main villains called Sentinal |
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